Unlike most people in life I never minded going to the dentist. Maybe it was because I had a root canal at the age of 5, I got a free game of put-put out of it. Maybe it was because I had a tooth pulled when I was like 8 and they gave me nitrous and I got high and felt the chair melt and saw the Power Rangers on the wall fight. Maybe it was because I had braces when I was in 4^th grade and asked for them to be black so it looked like my teeth were rotten. Maybe it was because the dentist only deals with your mouth, unlike the doctor who likes to wander. For whatever reason I liked the dentist and still don’t mind going to see him every six months.

I just recently went to the dentist and for the first time in a long time I didn’t like my experience. I didn’t have any crazy procedure done, I didn’t have to endure a huge needle in my gum, and I didn’t have to have my mouth open for a crazy amount of time. I don’t mind those things. Do you know why I didn’t like my experience? The dental hygienist talked to me while she was cleaning my teeth. Seriously? Do you expect me to carry on a conversation? Because at this point your hands are in my mouth, my gums are bleeding and my mouth is dry. I did my best just to muster a “mmhmm” or what I thought would resemblance an affirmative response and acknowledgement that yes I can hear you. Even if I don’t agree with what you are telling me, I can’t carry a conversation so that’s all you are getting. At one point I did in fact try to actually say something and I got in trouble for moving my jaw and head. Seriously? Don’t freaking talk to me then. It’s that simple.

I just want to lay there with my eyes closed and my mouth and listen to you tell me to floss more often than I do. Newsflash: no one flosses as much as they should. It’s a novelty. No one ever makes it a habit. I lied to her and said that I floss but not as often as I should. I can count on my hands the number of times I flossed in my life. I’m not going to start. Isn’t that why I come to you every 6 months? To have my teeth cleaned? I brush em and use mouth wash, sometimes. That’s all I am doing. She kicked my ass though cleaning my teeth. I’ve never had them cleaned that thoroughly. It almost made me want to floss.

I’ve just came to realization on why I’ve never minded going to the dentist; the lack of communication. I hate talking to people I don’t know. I hate small talk. How many times can you talk about the weather? I hate social situations. I haven’t paid for a hair cut in years. It’s not cause of the price; I just don’t want to talk to the person cutting my hair and I especially don’t want to talk to the person washing my hair. I love getting my hair washed by someone else but don’t talk to me while you are doing it. It is so awkward. I can’t hear you. The water is running right in my ear. The seat is uncomfortable. I can’t tell how loud I am talking. IF I am forced to get my hair cut and pay for it, let it go like this: get in, sit down, shut up, cut, roll out. I guess this behavior will also explain why I’ve only been to the doctor as an adult once in my life and the only reason I went was because I was scared I’d lose my left eye. I know I should go get a physical but what’s the point? In the past I justified it by saying I didn’t want to pay a co-pay but now with that new Obamacare everyone is talking about I hear that you get one free routine examination a year. I should test that theory but I am not and trust me it’s not because I am scared of what the doctor would tell me. It’s cause I already have anxiety thinking about things to talk to the doctor and his staff about.