I don’t have Instagram and I don’t take pictures but I do have 163 (no lie) entries from my old Xanga account. Not all of them are from my proudest moments but I figured I’d share some of the ones I enjoyed writing and reading. The first one today is from April 24th 2011. I have been obsessed with writing a stream of consciousness novel for sometime and this was one of my attempts at writing like that…

There are now almost 7 billion people living in this world. Seriously? Do you know how many people that is? I don’t. I can’t even imagine knowing over 100 people but seriously think about it. Everyone you see during your day has a back story, some story to tell. How can it be real? I know it is but it is mind boggling to think about. To make matters worse it was actually proven that just about anyone in the world can be connected to anyone else through 6 people, like that game 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon but with real life shit. ABC or some outfit like that, I love when people use outfit like that and not like something you wear, did a study and connected a couple of random people through 6 people or less. Seriously? Shit people write movies and add extras that don’t get names but you mean to tell me that everyone I see everyday and even the people I don’t living in 3rd world countries have back stories? I mean no one is probably as interesting as me but I bet some are like that old dude form thos Dos Equis commercials, man do I envy him. I love those commercials, much more than I love the beer, I remember the first time I had the beer it was up at DSU for Cinco de Mayo, Jake had purchased the beer and I thought it was the best beer ever, way better than that shit Sol other people were drinking. I thought it was so good I made Easy Mac with it. Then I chugged a bottle of Tequlia, hooked up with some girl, threw up and then passed out on the porch. Woke up the next day and had no idea where I was but I wasn’t the biggest ass hole that night. Since that night though I have pretty much retained that ass hold drunk title, am I proud of it, I mean I guess a part of me is but I guess I have to grow up eventually, ugh. In other news I learned that I should really stop planning things because I am much better on the fly. What I mean is that I like the plan things out in my head and when they don’t go as planned I get flustered and make thins awkward. Really I should just let things roll and go along with things because I am less awkward, I know hard to believe, but it works like 1 out of 6 times. For instance I was at the Olde State Tavern out in Media last week, I am almost like a regular there, weird I know. I just found out that my boy Phillip goes there, he’s the man, I need to party with him. Anyway so I was there and once again it was awkward at some point. The week before when I was there, there was this db and his db son drinking a db drink, half bucca and half jager, disgusting. Did you know that Cee Lo Green’s real name is Thomas DeCarlo Callaway, I mean we could be related right we both got soul and dress like Elton John. Man I should have been born in the 70s. Great music. White pants. Long hair. Depressed. So anyway back to the olde state, I was there with my friend Jacqueline and her friend Emily, I think she spells it some other way but whatever and there was this weirdo there. So of course they were talking about him because that’s how they roll. Well the dude apparently starts glaring at our table. I had my back to him and I was like shit I really don’t want trouble but I get one look at him and I say well he looks medicated tonight so that’s good he wont be dangerous just awkward. Well he glares at us again and finally comes over to the table and is like stuttering and saying um a lot and taking forever to get words out and finally asks how is it possible that they are two beautiful girls at this table and only one guy. So on the fly, see I tied it all together, I respond with well buddy I am going to let you in on a little secret, and you can’t tell anyone but we are polygamists, they are both my wives. Well the look on his face was priceless, he bought every word of it and totally believed it, congratulated me and left us alone all night. At the end of the night he actually came over and told me how lucky I was. The weirder part is though that we actually thought the people next to us were plygs. There was one guy macking it with two chicks, so either he was a divine priesthood holder with sister wives or just some scum bag banging his girlfriend’s friend. Wait, what’s the difference? I immediately regret saying that cause Bill Hendrickson, spoiler alert, rest in peace, is my man. I am a bit disappointed with the NHL playoff commercials this season. They were so epic last year but this year, not so much. Hopefully they will get better. I also hate how everyone is trying to copy off of the Dos Equis dude in their commercials nowadays. I mean I know imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but do it right. Do you guys like this stream of consciousness entry? I think I might write a novel like that. See what happens though. I love HBO and just about everything they do. I know they fucked up by picking John from Cincinnati over Mad Men but I mean you can’t be perfect unless of course you are the most interesting man in world. I mean but The Wire, The Sopranos, Big Love, True Blood, Temple Grandin, You Don’t Know Jack and now their latest, Cinéma Vérité that sees James Gandolfini return to HBO as a documentary film maker looking to film a true American Family. It is the true story of the first reality TV show that aired on PBS in the 70s. The movie centers around the making of the film and how James Gandolfini’s character influences what happens in the house and how the actual camera crew tries to prevent the family from breaking apart. It was another gem from HBO and I want to now actually see the show from the 70s but apparently you can’t find it. Really Netflix? Letting me down again. I love all this talk of the instant streaming but really every movie I want to watch I have to get the DVD and really that is just too much work. I really should start writing more I mean it gives me an outlet to tell stories that no one wants to hear and it beats having a conversation with yourself. Did you see that new show on FX with that hobbit that looks like Nate Babe? FX is saying it’s a new original comedy but actually it’s an import from Australia I think. Imported form Detroit, the Chrysler 200, might be my new car. Anyway so this new show looks interesting. The main character is about to commit suicide but before he can go through with it his new neighbor shows up and asks if he can watch her dog. Well he sees a guy in the dog suit but everyone else in the world sees a real dog. Kind of like that movie with Mel Gibson and the beaver puppet, no joke that movie was actually made, which gives me hope that my movie with Todd and Nate to a lesser extent can be made. So anyway this dog, a guy in a dog suit, becomes his best friend. Looks interesting at least. I wish sometimes Lucy could talk, that would be ballin. I’ve been home alone with her the past two days. It is very refreshing. I haven’t been home alone since my mom lost her job and I probably never will be again with my Aunt living with us but I enjoyed it so much last night that I stayed in and was sober, weird right? I was thinking though I needed a night to relax and to wake up the next morning without a hangover but don’t worry I am drinking tonight as I am writing this. I love the NHL playoffs I literally could not breathe after the Flyers scored today, thankfully they won and I don’t have to end this entry with I’m out like the Flyers, that would be depressing. I am doing my part and not shaving, nothing new for me really but I am getting a neck beard or a neard as made famous by Koy Detmer, I just realized I am not adding hyperlinks to this entry, deal with it, that is of course if you are still reading this. I am almost at two pages in a Word document. I think I should stop but I might start wring a novel like this.

I’m out like Bill Hendrickson. (spoiler alert)